Love is Ageless

This a comforting thought for people who tend to hesitate to entertain the possibility of love after reaching a certain age. When does the possibility of enjoying a special relationship based on mutual caring stop in deference to a number? Does the day a person turns 50, 60, or 70 usher out loving connections with the opposite sex?

Evidence gives the lie to this point of view in the actual experience of people over 50. In fact, the latest boomer trend is to use the Internet to find a special someone via technology. According to a recent AARP poll in the last three years there has been a 39% jump in people over 50 seeking companionship through the Internet. The category most clicked on the AARP website is the love and relationship forum.

Literature tells stories of later life romances. Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand by Helen Simonson is a recent, delightful story of a retired British Major and his attraction to and pursuit of Mrs. Ali. Neighbors in the small inbred village in rural England judge the match to be unsuitable. This tale of modern love between mature adults befuddles his son who is as uptight as the neighbors about this “unusual relationship”.

What attitudes can get in the way of accepting oneself as beautiful and desirable? Why do we think wrinkles, a double chin and gray hair are barriers to a relationship? One of the benefits of having added some years is that we stop being dazzled by face and figure, and look instead at the love-filled soul that gazes ardently back at us. There appears a new wondrous possibility - a possibility of feelings that goes far deeper and can be more powerful than the draw of the physical. Love and passion when one ages, can potentially reach levels of depth that younger people rarely discover.

Of course there are the necessary precautions to consider as you pursue a romantic interest. Age isn’t a protector; the same advice given to younger people holds true for mature adults. To protect you and your partner, use condoms. According to the National Institute on Aging about 19 percent of all people with HIV/AIDS in this country are age 50 and older. Because older people don't get tested for HIV/AIDS on a regular basis, there may be even more cases than currently are known. Getting to really know a prospective partner cannot be underestimated and is the first step, a prelude to healthy intimacy.

A.M.

Photo: "Inseparable"Painting by Aubrey Cummins

What Good are Pets?

Many of us, especially those who have raised children, have had a pet at one time or another.  Now that the children are on their own we think its their turn to enjoy the pleasures as well as the troubles that come with having a pet. Our relationships with animals as members of the family are over.  Some say, “I enjoy seeing them in the wild, but not in the house.  I’ll watch them on TV on nature shows, but that’s my limit.”  The reasons are obvious: the dog walking (if the pet is a dog), the expense of buying animal food, the gnawing of furniture and the inevitable accidents, not to mention the pain of seeing a pet sicken and die. For all these reasons it may seem counter intuitive to advocate pets for seniors. Let’s give it a try anyway.

A good pet is therapy. Who needs it? For seniors who live alone a pet makes the best of companions.  Once you admit you love dogs or cats or birds, the pros quickly outweigh the cons.  If the pet is a small dog you can train them to use newspaper and, of course, a cat has its litter box. What is sweeter than opening the door to your home and having a little creature greet you with unconditional love? You cuddle up with your pet to watch the evening news and make uncontested commentary on the reporting while scratching your pet’s head.  What more can you ask for? It’s this companionship that makes any inconvenience of having a pet worthwhile.

Cons and Pros

Nonetheless, there things to keep in mind:  Where is the nearest veterinarian, how expensive is pet food, is there someone who can keep your dog when you go on vacation or can you take him with you?  Who will walk the dog when it snows? Still there are animals that are companionable yet require less attention, such as fish in an aquarium and birds in a cage.  They’re not completely task free, but require less than a cat or dog.

Are there health benefits to living with a pet?  Pets are known to reduce emotional and physical pain. According to www.healthspring.net, studies have shown that petting animals can bring down blood pressure and trigger the release of dopamine and serotonin in the brain that elevates mood.  It isn’t surprising that seniors who own pets visit the doctor less often than those who don’t.  Is there a pet in your future?  For the sake of your health, it’s worth a thought!

A.M.

Tired of being tired?

Have you noticed how often the answer to your question,  “ How are you?” is “ So tired”.

What is this tiredness all about?  You might also notice that people who are happily on the go rarely say they’re tired.  Tiredness might have something to do with not expending energy.  It appears to be counter-intuitive to say the more you move, the more energy you have. If you’re tired, sleep.  Not always.  If you’re tired in the middle of the morning, move. Notice when you lie on the couch how easy it is to fall asleep. Move to generate energy and feel alive!

When you are watching television your body is usually stationary. To generate energy try the following movements, 10 times each.  Begin by raising your arms above your head and stretching each arm.  Next, work your legs, by bending and stretching.  With knuckles facing, move your elbows in a circular motion. Then stand and with feet 10 inches apart swing your arms from side to side.  Raise your shoulders to your ears. Move your head from side to side again the final 10 times. Finally do a super person stretch by clasping your hands behind your back and pulling down, 3 times.  While doing these simple exercises take belly breaths making sure you exhale as deeply as you inhale. And remember there are foods that encourage drowsiness and tired feelings shortly after giving the initial spurt of energy.  Cake, cookies, candy, and of course, caffeine are some major deceivers.

A Little is Very Good

A University of Georgia study randomly selected 36 healthy, young adults who said they had persistent feelings of fatigue.  They participated a in a six week period of moderate, medium and low intensity exercise 3 days a week. The study concluded that effects for symptoms of fatigue were moderated by exercise intensity, with low intensity exercise

producing the more favorable outcomes.  Conclusion, a little exercise is a good way to combat fatigue.

If simple exercise doesn’t restore energy, it may be time to have a conversation with your doctor who will help you pin point the cause of your excessive tiredness. Tiredness may be due to physiological, (hormones) emotional (stress), or lifestyle (quality of sleep) imbalances. Hopefully, moving your body may be all that is needed to shake that tired feeling.

A.M.

Person-Centered Care

Nursing Homes are focusing on an important dimension to services to elders in their care.  It is called Person-Centered Care.  The concept is not new to Isabella but may be a new way to describe diverting attention away from store-housing elderly, frail people to a renewed commitment to any individual who takes up residence in our Nursing Home.    Isabella’s mission has always been “to provide quality care through diverse programs designed to promote health and independence within and without our walls.”  Person-centered care zeros in on this dedication to physical, mental and emotional health of the individual resident. It is an expression of faithful adherence to the original inspiration for founding Isabella.

Creating Home Again

What does a person–centered care approach look like in practical terms?  At Isabella elders can choose to participate in a variety of recreational activities; they receive affectionate attention from staff they encounter during the course of a day. We see this caring in the warm smiles of nursing assistants, and the help a resident receives from staff “going h/her way” to another locale in Isabella. Residents and staff always welcome the many volunteers who want to spend time in the neighborhoods of Isabella. Residents who have outlived their families especially value their visits.

Another way Isabella counters the isolating effects of life in a Nursing Home is the Home Again Ambassador Program. Staff volunteers can become part of the Ambassador group which orchestrates games, song sessions, and storytelling in ways that encourage positive resident to resident interaction.

Isabella fosters the spirit of caring through a Person Centered Care committee composed of staff from different disciplines and job titles. Person Centered Care workgroups have measures by which they keep track of efforts to effect change. Currently a Dining Services project is underway.  New changes in menu items reflect the choices of Isabella residents, delivery of meals in steam tables rather than in institutional type trays and the presence of dining hosts attempt to make the dining experience more enjoyable. Basic to the project are gracious interactions among staff and between staff and residents as together they create a pleasant ambience at mealtimes.   

In all these ways Isabella keeps growing as a home where person-centered care is the number one priority.

By: Angela Menghraj

Not for Women Only

Let it not be said Nursing Homes are for women only.  Isabella has a wonderfully diverse population.  Of the 700 residents who live at Isabella 219 are men.  So what is happening to make Isabella a comfortable place for men?  Indeed the women of Isabella enjoy quilting, the European Club, and bingo.  Pastimes many enjoyed in their more independent days.

But what brings the men of Isabella together for conversation and fun?  It is the Men’s Group, the idea of Felicita Cruz, (Recreation).  She called on other staff members to contribute their talents to the newly formed gathering of men.  It didn’t take long before volunteers were escorting men from the various Isabella neighborhoods on Wednesday afternoons to one of the community dining rooms. About 15 come together at any one time.

The men began by introducing themselves to one another.  Future Echoes dancer, Ray Centeno (Finance) offered to lead the men in sharing memories of life in New York, jobs and their experiences in wars, civil rights and music of a bygone day.  Jokes and trivia spark conversation.  Sometimes Ray begins with a guided meditation enhanced by a background of Native American music.

There is definitely excitement in the air as Ray sets up percussion instruments of bongos, castanets, and drums.  The residents are delighted to play.  Rebecca Hernandez (Finance) joins Ray and the two twirl and step to the magical beat of trance dance, jazz and Latin rhythms.

At other gatherings Michael Robinson, a physical exercise trainer  (Environmental Services) demonstrates routines. The men flex their muscles as they follow along.  Recruitment for a sports enthusiast has begun so the group can welcome in the baseball season with the excitement it brings.

                                   

While this is all going on the men are enjoying refreshments of beer and chips.  Not so bad for a Nursing Home. If a woman attempts to join the fun she is greeted by a resounding, “Men Only”.  The Men’s Group is a good time for male companionship and entertainment.

The idea of having a Men’s Group has caught on and other Isabella communities have begun similar gatherings of men.  The Isabella Men’s Group is an example of how creative thinking fosters person-centered care in innovative and fun ways.

A.M.

Mind the Mind

George Burns, the comedian who lived to 100 years of age, once quipped, “By the time you’re eighty years old, you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it!” What Burns may not have known—and what those of us who worry about the effects of aging on the mind may not realize—is that learning is one of the most effective ways to keep memory and thinking skills sharp as we age.

A recent study titled ACTIVE (Advanced Cognitive Training for Independent and Vital Elderly) found that five years after a group of 3,000 volunteers had gone through eighteen hours of instruction in cognitive exercises, their thinking skills improved. The volunteers, aged 65 and older, underwent a series of trainings focused on memory, reasoning, and speed of processing.

Michael Marsiske, a principal investigator in the study, noted, “What we clearly show is that these short mental workouts improve performance, and that improvement is detectable even five years later.”

Short mental exercises are available to all of us: we can, for example, spend fifteen minutes a day working on crossword or Sudoku puzzles or memorizing foreign words and phrases in preparation for a trip abroad.

Another way to think about aging and cognitive ability is to imagine that the best way to age is to bring a well-exercised brain with us. An article published in the New York Times in January 2007 reported the following: “The one social factor researchers agree is consistently linked to longer lives in every country where it has been studied is education.” 

With this new emphasis on learning and “brain calisthenics,” it’s important to keep in mind that the brain cares for the mind as with a partner. The body, too, needs exercise. Exercise improves blood flow to the brain, which, according to researchers, uses 25 percent of the oxygen that enters the body. Exercise also eases depression, a frequent companion to an inactive body.

Staying active in a number of ways—thinking about new subjects, playing challenging games, taking daily walks—seems to be the right way to shore up our minds for a fulfilling future. If we do so, we improve our chances of beating the odds as George Burns did and give ourselves the opportunity to live, learn, laugh, and remember for years to come!

A.M.

If not you, who? Write your story now

While this generation is busy text messaging in techno speak to family and mostly friends, there are other stories to be told, stories begging to be captured.  Who is telling your story?  Who really knows your story?  No one but you.  Where can you begin?

When actress, Liv Ullman, wrote her memoir, Changes she didn’t write a chronological history, rather she chose events, or those moments of realization significant in her life journey.  This might be the least complicated way to write your own story.

The first step might be to get good equipment:  a smooth writing pen that glides across the page and a fresh notebook or journal.  Or if you prefer, use your computer.  Then choose a time of day when you are least likely to have interruptions. You might want to set a time limit, but no need to stay with it if you get on a roll.

Besides expressing your feelings about things that happen there are practical reasons for keeping a journal.  For example: when did you last see your Aunt Mary? Or what could you have possibly said at the bridal shower that upset off the mother of the bride?  There it is in black and white, in your journal.

The good thing about journaling is that you don’t need to worry about spelling or grammar as your write.  Just write whatever comes up.  It is probably better not to critique your thoughts.  No one else will read them.  Of course make sure to secure your journal in a safe place since it’s for your eyes only…for now.

Include the Times

As you write your journal include stories of your family and the times you are living in should they come to mind.  Somewhere down the road there will be someone who will wonder about things that took place in the 20^th and 21^st centuries.  For instance, if you lived through WWII you might remember the victory gardens in your neighborhood or the air raid warnings, or the food rationing books, or life before PCs.  Today, you are living in a time in history of momentous happenings that call for your opinion or reaction.  Presidential elections, wars, recession to name some.  How are you and your family affected ?  All this is part of your valuable life experience.     

Be creative.  Draw pictures, collages whatever comes to mind.  Your journal is yours, so have fun with it.  It might be helpful to think about family members and friends whose  stories you would have loved to have known from their point of view. If only they had written it down! Your journaling can prove to be a wonderful gift to those who someday will wish to read your story, in your words.

A.M.